My second baby

So I had another baby alhamdulillah. And I told myself that I’d write about it on my blog.  Not just to talk about having another baby.  But the reason I wanted to talk about it is because I had a c-section with my first child. And this time around, I did everything I could to try to have a normal regular birth: dua, istikhara, research, talking to people, going to a meeting with an organization that supports VBAC, trying to see if I could have a homebirth, talking to midwives, doulas … you get the point.

With my c-section, looking back now, it is pretty clear to myself and my husband that my doctors could have waited some more before they decided to induce me. My water had broken and my contractions were either non-existant about about 8 hours or so or very little. So they decided to induce me. After 19 hours. Big mistake. And too bad we weren’t very informed patients at that point so while we were a bit uncomfortable, we thought ‘hey doctor knows best’.  Well, after that, the contractions got so monumentous(spelling?) that it was unbearable, and here I was trying to tell myself all along that I wana go natural and all this.  So that went down the tube and I got an epidural.  Well, after that, I ’stalled’ and wasn’t dilating fast enough. “Failture to progress” as they say. and I call it ‘failure to wait’ .. I beleive they should have waited more. Because women will usually go into labor within the next 48 hours if their water breaks.  They could have just monitored my temperature to make sure I had no infection and gone from there. But nope.

Anyhow, this time around, subhanallah, quite late in my pregnancy, probably around the beginning of the 8th month, I had this ‘thought’ about getting a doula.  So I started looking for an affordable doula. So the first doula I got in touch with told me about ICAN. ICAN is an organization that helps and supports women in their goal of getting a VBAC(vaginal birth after c-section). So I was so psyched to find out about them. Now what was even more interesting was that their meeting was in 2 days! So ofcourse I HAD to go. And that’s exactly what I did alhamdulillah. 

Looking back, I feel like Allah led me down this path, starting from the ICAN meeting, all the way to the birth.  So anyway, I go to this ICAN meeting, and ofcourse I’m the only hijabi and ‘foreigner’ in a visible way. No surprise there.  Alhamdulillah everyone were super sweet and nice.  I heard lots about homebirths and I realized perhaps its not something so odd as I would have t hought to myself previously.  Most of the women at the meeting were fed up with hospitals and their interventionist attitudes.  And several wanted and had had VBACs.  And that’s where I also heard of one doctor, male unfortunately, who was very supportive of VBACers. And who happened to be head of the maternity department at one of the two hospitals I was thinking to deliver at.

Now leme back track here a bit. In the beginning of my pregnancy, I thought to myself that I do not want to go back to the practice with which I had a c-section, so let me try another practice(practice #2).  So I tried this new practice with these two caucasian ladies. The first one, I really liked.  She was definitely over 40, seemed relaxed and laid back and pro VBAC.  Their office did not seem like they were used to seeing patients from different ethnic backgrounds but they were pretty nice nonetheless.  Then I saw the other doctor in the practice. She was this hyper, chic, younger doctor, probbaly something like 35.  She basicaly told me that I’m looking at a 50% chance of c-section and even something about how doctors don’t like to wait in the hospital for long deliveries and yada yada. Basically, I did not get the warm comfy feeling that women like to get from their doctor, especially if you have a certain goal in mind like trying to go for a VBAC.

And the other slight red flag was that when I mentioned the reaction of the second doctor to the first doctor, she seemed to sort of behave like ‘oh whatever. You are a good candidate for VBAC’.  So it was obvious that the two doctors had a different way of operating. So. If I were to stick w/ them, I could end up with either and I was not going to risk that. So in my 5th month of pregnancy, I was outta there.

I went back to my old practice. Weird right? Well see my first practice is so professional, so ‘nice’. They totally just get to be buddy buddy with you. They are so loving and when you are calling 50 gazillion other places only to be told that “sorry we don’t do vbacs” or this or that, or bad receptionist service, you think ‘ahhh maybe I’ll just go back to them and tell them firmly that I want a VBAC’. So that’s what I did. I went and saw one of the doctors. The oldest one. And I liked her a lot. But I still had my doubts about sticking with them.

So I tried another practice, which meant I’d have to deliver in another hospital, which was closer to my house. Oh yeh one more thing. My first practice (the one which I got a c-section with) delivered in this nice, new, very paush fecility, which I liked so part of me also wanted a doctor that delivered in that same hospital.  But still, I was willing to forego the hospital for a better doctor who would fully support the idea of VBAC.

So ok I find another practice, we’ll call it practice #3.  It has 3 women.  So I went in and had a talk with the oldest one. She seemed ok enough.  At this point, I was confused. Should I switch to these women who seem as good as practice #2. Should I stick with a monster I know or one I don’t know?

At this point, practice #2, socially savvy as they are, called me, the doctor herself ! to convince me to stay with them!  And ofcourse, I was like wow how nice they are bla bla. So I stayed with practice #2.  When I went to next appointment however, I realized that the two OLDER doctors basically may not be available during my time of delivery. And I could be looking at being delivered by my previous doctor who c-sectioned me or another one who I don’t know.  So at THAT point, I knew I had to switch.

I switched. And THEN I met with the youngest doctor in practice #3. This lady started talking about the risk of VBAC with zero mention of the risk of a repeat C-SECTION!!! Very cautious. Very not-the-attitude-I-want.  So at this point, man I was like ‘what am i gona do!!!!’

Around this time, my husband talked to some knowledgeable brothers, one of whom is something of a scholar and had a gazillion kids. And they told him to be open to the option of going w/ the male doctor if he’s so known for VBAC. So my husband mentioned it to me. And I started to think about it. It was not a comfortable thought to be checked and poked and delivered by a male doctor. But up till now, I had not met any doctor who would be fully supportive of VBAC. Add to that, that in the hospital they already have all these THINGS, that will easily lead you down the path of a c-section.

So we made istikhara and we thought ok let’s go talk to him. So we go. And I think it was clear to both of us while the man was talking and answering our questions, that this was the guy we were looking for! He was so supportive, so confident of a VBAC. And if you know anything about OBs, only a doctor who has done VBACs a gazillion times will be that confident.  He told us that I was a great candidate for it.  And that he would wait (and he was true to his word alhamdulillah) if this or that happened.

I think I’m going to leave this off here, and continue in part #2 of the birth post